Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
