Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Im part way to drunk.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
