I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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