Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
