You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
