it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
