I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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