it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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