he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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