At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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