on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
