1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
