similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
