i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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