I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
