you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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