Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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