My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
