drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
