she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
