This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
