Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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