Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
