we have officially lost it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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