and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
