PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
