so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
