Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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