I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
