oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
