I looked at my own cervix.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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