He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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