I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
