ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
