I think i peed on brittanys purse
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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