____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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