I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
