I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
