I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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