I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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