you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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