It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
