she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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