the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
