haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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