you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
