Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
