im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
