Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
