a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
