He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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