Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
