I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
